I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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