Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
There r osticjed everywhere
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
