I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
