I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
