Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
