i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
