I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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