There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
My hand turned me down
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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