Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
its liver damage thursday
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
