I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
