the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
its not stalking. its research.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
