I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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