dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
