CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
