they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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