I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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