I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
