Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize