look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
