She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Randomize
