Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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