Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
