i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
