they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
