I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
