Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
