the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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