Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
