Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
