Pappa wants mamma naked
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
