DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize