I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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