STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
