I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
