Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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