This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
