Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
