Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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