i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
