That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
