Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
