Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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