Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
