You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
