His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
