Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
