It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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