saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
