god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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