I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
