this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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