dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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