I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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