She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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