I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
