i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Naked Twister starts at high noon
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
