I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
The air was thick with penises
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
