dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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