I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
