"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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