so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
