What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
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we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
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Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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