He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize
