ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
