Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..

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(573): View more from Missouri

Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you

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(773): View more from Illinois

once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up

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(530): View more from California

Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.

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(512): View more from Texas

I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective

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(425): View more from Washington

So that wine I told you about is vile...

(360): View more from Washington

That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?

(425): View more from Washington

Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.

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(707): View more from California

He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!

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(310): View more from California

Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...

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