I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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