Quick, to the slutcave!
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
