Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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