I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
