margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
